Search for balance

The 1st month of 2011,things going well with new semester I guess but my team had some difficulties with our project since we can't figure out our topic or problems. We are doing on Selamat Pagi Malaysia show since 3 peoples in my group are committee for the part6 project,so we have to contribute something for our event. Part 6 are so boring, I mean with our daily lives! We don't have any activities to do. I do remember that in the 1st week of the semester, we didn't go to our 1st class but we went to town like almost everyday. I don't interact much with classmates, I mean I haven't actually hang out with half of them. Lately,we have been close with Sutera's. We hang out,eat & do activities together.

My financial currently on a tight budget as my dad have some problems,so RM50 a week. He was also having problem to provide RM300 as I need to pay off the professional project fund+year book+pre-graduation dinner. But I believe he is trying hard to deal with it. On the other hand,mom already plan to go to Jakarta in the end of the month, if things are alright. Housemates are in 'Jiwa Kacau' mode as everyone have "heart" problems I guess. How can I describe..lonely, frustrated, letting go, love at heart & facing the problem at hand.

About her.. every night before sleep, I will think of her,same thing when I wake up. But I realized that she was a gift, I was a mistake & I ruined it as I have lost her respect. She deserve better but no one can love her like I do. "Even if we get sad, let's smile at our memories because its the last thing I can possible say to you...I lived to this day for you more than anyone...Now I got to let you go, be happy after our break up...live like that". Its true that I fake a smile everyday but I can't let that bothers me.

On 23rd jan..I took a walk around the lake that night to reminisce all that happened those days.. I stand near steps and I said to myself, "It's time for me to let go & if she come back to me & she is mine". My heart closed & I'm just let the love come to me. Guess I rather in pain than feel nothing at all.

On my birthday..I didn't celebrate it or throw party but I got a treat from ms Mai for lunch at Johnys Steamboat. I'm busy with appointment with JKM to get sponsor. Me & Sob borrow Aishah's car & went to their office with Ian,Knita & Dhiya. We seem will get sponsor on protocol as they can't help with DP field rent that is cost RM10000! Luckily, Ashman,Zie, Waqi & Ms Mai got it for free but need to pay for the electric charge. But at evening, we did manage to get CM to rasmi our event. At night, me & Jim talk under the stars,then later join by Ian,Waqi & Sob. We talk & talk, as if we got a lot to share. Midnight, we all went mamak as Taki owe me. hanging out with the Suteras make me laugh a lot!

The rest of the week was quite hectic as me, Sob & Knita went to here & there to settle documents & meeting. On Wednesday, we had to meet up with PM Sab to get her approve to our budget on foods & publicity. On that day, Ayu & Azyan want to propose a new tittle & right after the meeting we search for Cheeti village & BabaNyonaya village to get contacts. We had a meeting at the library later that day to hear the new title but as we heard, it was an old topic that have been use..so we stick to the old ones. So we had our consultation on Thursday, it didnt go very well as everything seem wrong. This is a test of my wisdom & patience. I need to get balance!Even if its mean to be so down to earth.

28 jan.. me, Sob, Bani, Ian & Taki convoy with Thiya, Knita, Nad & Nad's lil sis. Convoy was fun although different car. Taki was alone & he lead Nad to S.A. Sob's girl ask us to hang out & shisha!! So we drop Ian at home as he has no money. So we meet up at Dagang Avenue, where me, Sob, Bani, Sha, Malin & soon joined by Raz & Nay. We had our laughter till he was mad at me in "invaded" privacy. I was like offended but I have to take care of his feeling as he does take things too deep. But I soon feel pissed as the next morning he said 'dont do it again'. OMG! He cant take jokes & being tease?! He is so insensitive! I'm sorry if I hurt you unintentionally, but you need to remember that what I did is small than what you always do.

29 & 30 jan.. The whole family went to Perlis. My relatives from Sarawak have already ahead heading there. The trip was smooth with no traffic jam. We all were invited to have dinner with Perlis family. The next day was having breakfast with mom's old friend. We had Nasi Kandar Kangar for breakfast & went to kenduri after Zohor. Things went smoothly & but I found out that my cousin & her husband had car accident before the kenduri, that was unfortunate but they were fine. Actually, my cousin married a guy from Perlis, so that Sunday was be their kenduri. My family & relatives went to Padang Besar after kenduri with the same outfit from the kenduri. Obviously people looked at us as we all wearing blue colour outfits.haha. Padang Besar was like Manga 2 Jakarta but smaller. That night, my mood was ruined as my friend as for his money back. I didnt have any choice but to used my RM300 thats supposed to be used to pay part 6 event, pre-graduation dinner & year book. I guess I have to work in catering this holidays, if theres any left & use my up coming allowance to pay up next Monday. I got to be very very careful in spending. sigh.

31 jan..My 1st time of going to Pulau Langkawi. Our parents & big bro didnt follow, soI have to woke up early in the morning as me & my lil bro need to meet up our relatives at the jetty. However, one of their car got punctured tire, so we had to take the boat at 9pm. We got ourselves a rented van to explore the island. The 1st thing we all want to do was take a ride of the cable car & walk on a bridge on the top of the hills. But too bad, since the wind was quite strong that day, we could not ride it. So we went to the airport area, Mahsuri Museum & had lunch there. Don't get me wrong, i am out of money but my aunt support my trip. Nothing much we did there, just bought some chocolates & had dinner at Dad's friend house.

I reminisce, why did I text you & why did I'm being so dorky?! I should leave you alone. I should find a good listener to talk too. Maybe I was excited but I was not cautious to myself & feeling. I have to stop for awhile. Restrain myself.