Search for the light

Its already have been 18 days of fasting in Ramadhan month. Executing 1 of our Rukun Islam is a-must-thing that we must do in this holy month. It is also an opportunity for us Muslim to be in our best behavior from inside out. Walking straight to the light was not an easy task for me, it requires determination & strong will. How far can I go before I fall back to the dark?? I'll believe if I stay in the right path, I could be a better & happy person. I need to follow my dreams & hope one by one it could be a dream come true. I realize Karma will take away my happiness & dream but I also realize that if it meant to be, then it will be. My bff notice I'm kinda heartless or rather direct, straight forward nowadays or just simply they cant read my mind. Working 6 days a week really help me distracted & help me thinking of others small matter that can be a bigger view. Last 4 month, I created a group at FB called KarmaDonia, where a page group for English drama & Drama Sejarah during my high school year. From there I start to search back my "family". This "family" have taught me to be ME but I forgot bout my origin when I got in university & forgot bout my family till Abg Man pass away. Abg Man was the root of our family. From that time till now, I havent went to arwah's cemetery. I dont know what to say to the "family" as I was one of the youngest that close to arwah. He always texted me till theres a time that I barely reply his text & after a week.. found out he passed away. I was shocked, he texted me, he was fine but he's not! I should have detected his "subtext" messages that he always sent to me but I was too arrogant to see it. I put away my knowledge in drama/theater when I was in university. I remember when I told myself that I wanna join the theater club & the cultural club when i got into university but thats all was left behind. I was too busy being socialize I guess. But thats me, always make myself busy as I know I need to work hard to gain something in return. Its a double edge sword..if you work hard, you can reach your goal but at the same time you will lose valuable times, moments & happiness with your love ones. Like she said, I took things for granted. Maybe she was right, expecting she will understand my condition wasn't an excuse for me to not to give her more attention. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to the old good times, but I deserved it. Losing 1 was not enough, losing 2 was pain bare to handle. I was lost..wandering in my mind. But because of that, I'm slowly following the light that I found while wandering. I guess time will reveal what fate lies for me ahead..for now just let it be.