Semester 3 in Degree

The two last weeks of study weeks, I was elected by my classmates to be the Assistant Project  Manager for our PR Dinner "Le Soire D' Elegance" on 23 December 2011 at Grand Imperial, Centro Mall Klang. Less than two weeks of preparations, I had sleepless night to fin my assignments & dinner preparation. Luckily I have my friends that understand & help me compile the work..thank you! Thank god too that 3A was in to it but some of my classmates was not. Can't blame them because we are kind of left out but we did our part & go along. Dinner was success! Even some seniors said or whispered to me that this is the best dinner that PR ever had. I'm not sure if its true or not because we just got into UiTM SA this semester.

A new whole challenges for me this semester. With assignments, various group mates, lecturers and self management and obviously myself. I found out that my credit hour compare to class 3A was higher than them & we need to juggle with it. We did manage it but I'm not satisfied with it, I'm not satisfied with what I produced & the result also showed it. I realize I have been less spending time at my house rent & with my housemates. I'm the only PR in that house & I feel left out. I know some of them wanna say something to me but how could I make them be in my shoes. I'm also haven't spend time with my classmates after class as I feel I need some time alone. I'M LOST! I'm weak and fragile I guess. Easily stress. When I feel this, I keep my distances and walk out. Went straight to my bed and sleep & cried sometimes. I've become pathetic. I don't know who to cry to or to share with because I never share much while I was in Malacca because I had her but now its different, so when I feel sad or down..I will cheer up myself with imaginations & past memories.

Ever since the break up, we left things hanging but we did settle it this semester. I've been screaming in my heart everyday since the break up but I ignore & make myself busy. Maybe she didn't love me from the beginning and I'm just the guy that will keep away from her loneliness but that's all in my mind, I know she love me because I'm the first guy that she allowed in her heart and her life and what we had was once true and real. Now she has removed me from her life and everything. I'm just a lonely stranger that have nothing do with her anymore. This way might be better. As I see her time to time at faculty, I know she is now happy without me. Even her friends said she really like her crush and I realize I'm happy that she found someone. I'm glad that she broke up with me, she is better off without me. I'm just a mistake in her life. However, I never felt this kind of pain, it is a never ending pain. Nothing can change this fact, she will always have a special place in my heart because she is the first girl owned my heart and if we are meant to be, we will be.

2012 will make a difference, I'll become heartless like before I'm into relationship. Plus, I need to find my light & straighten myself . Resolution of 2012 is become independent, manageable, active, punctual, knowledgeable and find my path of Muslim, non the less, stop smoking.